Monday, August 17, 2015

Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Jessica. I am a mother to 3 kids. I work full time. I have a wonderful husband. And at some point when I get my life back together I want to go back to school for baking and pastry arts. My life has been good but I struggle daily to be happy. It's not that I am not happy I just struggle with depression and anxiety. Every day is a new challenge and this is my journey. My ups and downs. Relearning to pick myself up and move past all my doubts and insecurity. 


First lets start by me saying a lot of my anxiety comes from the unknown that is life. From money to kids to feeling like I am failing at everything.  This is daily for me I get up worrying about money for bills and food and gas and knowing that something is going to fall short every week. The past few weeks I have been stressing about getting all our rent and back rent paid before we get an eviction notice. Stressing makes it worse because I get short tempered, can't eat, can't sleep. It's like feeling like you are drowning and no one will throw you a life preserver. That's why I am starting this blog because I have realized that I can not bottle up my emotions at some point you just break. Tonight I received the notice of eviction. Tonight I finally broke. We finally got to where we could start getting everything caught up and get got blown out of the water by this. Next week there will be no food. There will be no extras. There will be a lot of praying. There will be a lot of hard work.

My next biggest stress is that my kids are not living with us. It is definitely not something that I like to admit but because of several things they are staying g with my parents and I am absolutely grateful for them. But I miss my kids and know I have to be okay before they can come home. With the expense of the extra money for gas to go to them 3 times a week and the extra time on the phone with them. 

It's almost 3am and I need to go to bed. Tomorrow comes with its own worries and promise.